Liking Myself

Hi guys. This is going to be one of those self-absorbed self-introspective posts, so feel free to ignore.

I don't like myself as a person very much right now. I don't know when this happened, and I'm not even sure why. I don't feel things as deeply as I used to. I don't have that power of self-control as much anymore, or desire to improve myself, like I did when I used to strive for grades, and learning, and awesome things like that. I don't care about others as much anymore. I talk about myself too much. People don't really come to me for advice as much as they used to. I say really mean, b*tchy things sometimes. I'm not the responsible person that someone can trust anymore, I'm the forgetful ditzy one, who can't be trusted with valuable jewelery. I never get anything done.

 A couple of months ago I made a life goal. The goal was that I wanted, in my lifetime, to bring more goodness into the world than badness. I flattered myself by saying that it's easier said than done, which is true. But is that goal really enough? Many people have probably achieved that goal without doing much, sitting on the couch, watching TV, volunteering once in a while. I don't want to be a lazy person, who maybe does some volunteer work here and there, who doesn't eat animals, even though she doesn't feel that strongly about vegetarianism either way.

 I guess I'm saying that I've always expected to be more than the average person. My standards are higher for myself than for others, because I know that I am completely capable of reaching that standard. Is it fair to subject myself to that? I feel like I should make up for a world where the average American spends 7 years of his life in front of the TV. I don't know if I can be happy with myself until I make a tangible difference. I said at the beginning of this that I've changed into a not as good person. I probably have, but I wonder if it is also my changing view on the world that makes me see myself as inadequate. I need a set of rules to make for myself, standards of my life and goals to work my way up to. That's no easy list to write, so I'll think about that. If my views on the world are always changing, my list probably won't be enough a while from now. Maybe I'll think up a universal set of them, but that'd be awfully pretentious. Hmmm...

--Gabi

Socks today: They're white and kind of lacy, and don't fit with my baggy sweatpants and sweatshirt. 

Jelly Candies of DOOM

         I went to a bat-mitzvah at synagogue last week. For those of you who don't know, a girl becomes bat-mitzvah when she turns 12, then she is obligated - well, not many people actually do, but still - to follow the Torah. Then the girl's parents are absolved of responsibility for the girl's actions.


Then everyone eats food.


             While the girl was chanting Torah, I realised that my bat-mitzvah wasn't that long ago. I was an awkward 12 year old, and I still didn't know exactly what to do with my long limbs at that point in time.


               A wonderful custom that us Jews have is to throw candies at the bar-mitzvah boy or bat-mitzvah girl after they finish chanting, then all of the little children, and a few of the less inhibited kids above 4'5", rush forward to grab as much candy as they can possibly stuff into their little hands. Every single time I sigh and wish that I was still young enough to do that. When the candy is thrown, my synagogue's ritual director, who is a really nice person, seems to think that the 12 or 13 year old standing on the podium, just recovering from hyperventilation and the humiliation of his or her voice cracking in front of everyone, needs protection from those soft candies. Like paper airplanes, jelly candies are lethal when thrown at all, forget their soft, squishy, sugary feel. He shields the girl or boy from the flying candy projectiles with his prayer shawl.

                 You see? Conclusive proof that they are out to get us. When I was 12, I survived the attack of the jelly candies. I now realise that then was when I became a true woman.

Okay, that was stupid, but really easy and fun to draw.

<3 Gabi

Socks today: They have little sunglasses on them in different colours. I suppose that I wanted to pretend that it was summer...

I am currently eating tofu

Yes, I am eating tofu. Well, it's part of a dish of overcooked noodles. There are a couple of carrot slices in this dish of noodles.

Well, my computer doesn't seem to like inserting images, judging by this large gap. There is a rendition of my dinner immediately preceding the computer hatred gap. I like typing Zs, I guess, judging by the NOODLEZZZZ. Oh, and the title font is called Parry Hotter, how cool is that?


 I've been getting ready for my final projects and my exams to be over with, but this week is dragging along. So I began to sing in French class. I kind of didn't notice the glares until I was told to shut up in a nice way. Oh, did I ever mention that my computer teacher is evil? When we walked into class, half of the class freaked out when they saw this on the board:

Of course, being the nerds we are, in a competitive program, everyone freaked out before they read the next week part, while Evil D (she lets us call her that, by the way) laughed hysterically at her desk.

Did I mention that I'm enjoying MS paint?

<3 Gabi

Socks Today: HAPPY CHANUKAH SOCKS!! My aunt gave them to me for Chanukah 2 years ago. 

I just attempted to draw them on MS paint, but failed horribly. 

Cancer's an Asshole

I don't usually cuss in my titles, but considering the subject matter, I believe that's excusable. About 6 months ago, the Rabbi at my synagogue told us about a girl who had leukemia. Her family was short on funds to treat her, and he asked the community to mobilize and help fund her treatment, a very last ditch attempt. At around the same time, similar sermons were being spoken, all asking people to donate a few dollars to help A. The next day, I gave a five, as did each my (11 year old) brother, and both of my parents. I guess other families were doing this as well, because they raised enough money. A travelled to Israel, the place where the experimental treatment was being conducted, and started on the tough treatments.

About 30 minutes ago, I was called to the computer, where my mom showed me an article. A died at around 5:30 am on December 29th, Israel time. I didn't know A personally, and I didn't even know her family, yet I was crying while I read that article. The chemotherapy killed her before the cancer did, she was actually in remission.

Were my $5, and everyone else's, a waste? I'm wrestling with that question right now.

I think that the overall objective is to kick cancer's ass. Did this help?

She's dead. Her family is probably shattered. Cancer just took another innocent life, no ass-kicking there. Our money didn't save her. She was one of the first people to try out this treatment, which worked well in almost every other patient who went through it. What does that mean in terms of the research for it carrying on? What if my money spelled ruin for something that was looking promising?

Then again, the researchers probably learned more about the cancer. What kicks its ass the most effectively, and avoids kicking the ass of the patient. And science is all about trial and error, so on the large scale of things, this could be a tragedy, but not too terrible in the long run.

I almost feel like I should have prayed for her more, like I should have done something. Sent her a get well soon card or something. But I guess it's not my fault.

Cancer is kind of like this huge bonding force. I've been affected so deeply by it that when I hear of someone else who was affected by it, I just want to give them a big hug. Not that it shouldn't get a good ass-kicking.

<3 Gabi

Socks today: Pink and white striped fuzzy socks. I can't decide if it's ironic or not that they are ones to fund breast cancer research...

So. Many. Books.

Well. Blogger doesn't love me, since that took ten minutes of opening and closing tabs to try to get this text box to load.
WARNING: This post is almost completely consisted of me talking about various books. I tried to not include any spoilers, or at least nothing of the plots that wouldn't be on the back of the book. 




Anyways, I have books! Over three years I amassed all of my Chapters/Indigo/Coles/World's Biggest Bookstore cards (large bookstores, all part of the same chain) and when I added them up it came to a grand total of a lot of books. I ordered them online, because books in Canada are way more expensive than in the US (even though our dollar is at par, which is stupid.) I get a good discount online, and I bought six books with some money to spare.


Book #1:

An Abundance of Katherines

I must admit that the cover of my copy isn't that awesome, because I cheaped out and bought the trade paperback for $3.99. My potential best friend that I've mentioned a couple of times before (Shall we call her PBF?) recommended this to me, and said that I'm the female counterpart of the main character, Colin. I don't know how happy I am about that because Colin is kind of annoying. I guess (I hope) she meant how I like math, or was just referring to the time that we graphed goodness (I told you that she's awesome).When I opened the book, I knew I'd like it, because it had footnotes. Books with footnotes are wonderful, like the Bartimaeus Trilogy. It was a pretty cool book. Colin tries to find a formula to predict relationships, and there is even an appendix explaining the math behind it. I laughed at the footnotes.

Book #2

The Princess Bride

Again, my cover isn't as awesome because I cheaped out and bought the trade paperback with the movie cover. I am OMRSUPEREXCITEDSQUEEEEYAY to read this book. I have watched the movie many, many, many times from when I was really little, because it is my dad's favourite, and also mine. I'm assuming that the book will be even better, because I still stand by the whole "the book is always better" thing. Unless the book is based on a movie or (shudder) a TV series. Those Glee novels make me cry a little bit inside. I'm also thinking about writing a Sparklife article comparing the book and the movie, but that all depends on how much effort I want to actually put into that.


Book #3

Eating Animals

I've been thinking about vegetarianism a lot lately, and this is a book about it by an author whose other stuff I like. I'm kind of afraid to open it, because I am so close to being pushed over the edge that I think if this book gave a nudge that I would do it. I mean, I already avoid mammals most of the time. My main concern about going vegetarian is that it is hard enough for me to get nutrients already, and I don't need to make that tougher. I'd still eat fish, though, because I have gone fishing and gutted a fish, and I know that I could handle killing one, while I could never, ever, kill a mammal directly, and probably not a bird either. I'd love to talk to someone who's a vegetarian by the way.

Book #4

A Dose of Awkward

This is the Left Handed Toons book, and I've been reading it bit by bit, instead of splurging on the comics all at once. *congratulates self on self-control* For those of you who don't know what Left Handed Toons are, I suggest that you go to lefthandedtoons.com  right now. That may be a threat, actually. Or else. You see, now it's a threat!

Book #5

Outwitting Squirrels

I got this one because it was recommended on boingboing.net, and it sounded funny. It reminded me of my grandfather a lot, too, because he is on this never ending quest to vanquish the squirrels from his bird feeder.

Book #6

Behemoth

This is a sequel to Leviathan, a book by Scott Westerfeld. If I remember correctly, it is set in a world that has two opposing societies, Creationists, and Darwinists. The Creationists use mechanical and steam powered stuff, while the Darwinists genetically engineer animals to do stuff. The protagonist dressed up as a guy (in a classic story) so she could work on this huge ship, the Leviathan, for the Darwinists. The Leviathan is this whole floating ecosystem, complete with glowing worms that light up at night. I loved Westerfeld's steampunk/science fiction world, and I'm excited to read his sequel. 

Hope you didn't mind my book talks too much.

<3 Gabi

Socks Today: I'm not wearing any socks, because I am on vacation and can do that. I am also wearing mismatched pajamas and a bathrobe, and it is 2pm. *stagnates*

School's out, and I'm not particularly excited

Winter break just started. School's out for two weeks. I've kind of been staring into space, in shock.


Must. Do. Homework. 
Wait, where's the homework? 
Oh, my ISP.
I don't want to do my ISP, there must be some other homework.
Must. Do. Homework.
(Return to the beginning)

I guess I do have homework, my ISP for computers, but it is so huge and scary and intimidating that I don't even want to look at it right now. The thing is, if I had to create a game, like some of the people, I'd be excited, but I was assigned to code a lesson on shapes and a quiz. SHAPES?! Shapes. Are. Boring.
I'm sort of happy about how easy my assignment will be, though, because I won't have much animation to do and only a few buttons.

Enough about school. WINTER BREAK!
This break I'm going to go skiing for three days with my family at a semi-posh resort we've never really been able to afford, which is exciting. Then later on, I'm going to get to see my three guy friends from my old school who I miss very much. I've heard rumours that one has begun to wear a ponytail because his hair is so long, so I will come wielding scissors. Well, not really. I'll just threaten him. I think I'll try to get together with some more old friends as well. Oh , I printed off some sheet music for Seasons of Love, so I'll try to learn a new song too, since my piano lessons seem to have fallen through.

I know nobody actually reads up to this point, and that my diary-entries are boring. I'm sure that when I put up more pictures of W.O. my pageviews will skyrocket, at least. Speaking of that, I had better track down my camera. Bye!

--Gabi <3

Socks: Sports socks that are warm and soft.

Further Proof that Nerds will Rule the World

     Last evening, I was sitting at my laptop typing frantically. Why, you may ask? I had a speech due in English class the next day, and I had to finish writing it. Finally, it was done, so I practiced for an hour. I'd only be allowed ONE FREAKING CUE CARD for a four minute speech, so being the overachiever that I am, I was freaking out. I made everyone listen to me practice, and people actually laughed, and found it funny! The topic I chose? Nerds. 

     My school public speaking assignments generally end up as boring research speeches, while people fall asleep. Contrary to popular belief, sandwiches are really not that interesting. I decided to go for a less serious topic, so nerds it was. 

     I have to say, I learned a lot more from this assignment than I do for most assignments, even though I barely did any research. I learned about Wizard Rock, (Gred and Forge are my favourites, for now.) and I also managed to find some support for nerds taking over. 

     Ever heard of word drift? That's basically when a word changes in meaning over time. Way back when, I could have called someone hot, and that would result in pulled out fans, and some absolutely spiffing iced lemonade. Now, the result would be much different. (I thought about making an MS paint picture to illustrate this, but maybe later.) The same thing has just begun to happen with the word nerd, with more and more people calling themselves nerds, but there are still tons of people who think of nerds as a bad thing. So, WORD DRIFT IS HAPPENING RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR EYES!! I figured that if the increasing number of nerds keeps going up, pretty soon we will be EVERYWHERE!!!

     It's also really neat that my classmates seemed interested in my talk about Wrock, NaNoWriMo, and pi. It seems to me that only a nerd would be interested in that sort of stuff, hence my class must be full of nerds. You see, the nerds are totally taking over. Soon World Suck will be vanquished! (look up John and Hank Green or Nerd Fighters if you don't understand that.

Okay, lecture over, goodbye!

DFTBA (don't forget to be awesome,)

Gabi

Socks today: Both black, one with blue-green heels, one with pink heels. I think my friend and I may have scared the new girl by complimenting her socks. They were leopard print, we couldn't help ourselves!

P.S. Today is my former best friend's birthday. We haven't been close for a long time, and this is the first year we haven't been at the same school, so I haven't wished her happy birthday. It feels weird, but liberating as well. Mostly weird, unfortunately.