Monday, September 19, 2011

I really do have an absurd number of plaid flannel shirts, bottles of maple syrup, and polar bears.

Hello. Somebody is sitting next to me, attempting to shove food down my throat. It isn't her fault; she's Jewish. But she should stop. Just saying. 

A lot of people have been shoving food down my throat lately. 

Honest Gabi: No, just you. 

Girly Gabi: Seriously, you ate a fifth of a cheesecake. Like, do you know how many calories are in that?

Poetic Gabi: It went down my throat so quickly. Its life was fleeting, but beautiful.

ADD Gabi: I really like cheesecake. And carrots. I ate an entire bag of mini carrots last week. 


Scholarly Gabi: Those aren't correlated. Vitamin A is responsible for vision. And, as it was the first wrestling practise --

Random Bystander: You wrestle? That's funny because I see you as clumsy, socially awkward, and a pushover. 

Yeah, I joined the wrestling team. Since my family burst into laughter upon hearing this, I've decided to compile a list of reasons why I'm manly. In a feminine, sexually viable way. 

a) According to the Jew sitting beside me force-feeding me noodles, I have manly thumbs. But they're handsome.

b) I could probably use my hair as a weapon.

c) I'm wearing a flannel plaid shirt. I'm totally a lumberjack

d) I'm a Gryffindor. 

Scholarly Gabi: No, you are not. Pottermore clearly made an analytical error, and you're clearly in Ravenclaw.


ADD Gabi: I'm on the same dose of meds I've been on since grade 4. I may need a higher dose. And I was thinking about the blog's anniversary and what we could write about. 

Overachiever Gabi: Gabi, get your prescription changed please.

Nice Gabi: See, that was a pretty nice suggestion! We may even belong in Hufflepuff!

Honest Gabi: You're a Ravenpuff. You also have really unhealthy sleeping habits and you are self-absorbed.

ADD Gabi: I just ate an ice cream bar in, like, 45 seconds! It was so cool! We can write about that on the blog's anniversary post!

Girly Gabi: That's stupid! Everyone's going to think you're fat and, like, hate you. We should write about my new wardrobe!

Teenage Gabi: Can we write about how much more mature I am than a year ago, but how I'm also jaded and world-weary? 

Poetic Gabi: We could use my seven plaid shirts as a metaphor!

Honest Gabi: See, you're so self absorbed! In the middle of a list about yourself, you felt compelled to add an entire conversation between the different aspects of your personality, and argue about the blog's anniversary post. 

ADD Gabi: Today's the blog's anniversary? OH YEAH, I KNEW THAT!

Overachiever Gabi: Nobody's going to finish the list, are they? Nobody does any work around here. Ugh.


Yeah, I've had this blog for a year. That's weird.

I didn't really want to do one of those I've Had My Blog For a Year and That's Awesome posts, because they're awesome, but I don't have enough posts that I'm proud of. So this year's goal is to make more good quality posts, I suppose. I kind of already defeated my purpose in this post, because it sucks. Yay.


Monday, September 5, 2011

I did this survey thing. I want a chocolate chip cookie.

A long time ago, while I was in the wilderness (WIWINW,) Christopher over at The Nerd Archives wrote this survey thing. And I was bored. Don't expect much good writing.

I couldn't help but notice that HE DIDN'T FILL OUT HIS OWN SURVEY. Yeah, that was a challenge. If he did fill out his own survey, then I'll be really embarrassed, but that's okay.

1) Please state your name for the record?

(readjusts monocle) I don't like the sentence structure of this question. I'm sorry, but I am a critical survey-taker.
Fun fact: I actually could get a monocle. Like, the optometrist said I could! It has to do with my eyesight being weird.
Oh, my name is Gabrielle. People generally call me Gabi. I respond to Esther too.

2) If you were a penguin, on the other hand, what do you think your name would be? Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Hypothetically? Well, hypothetically, and strictly hypothetically, my name would be Bernado McFlipflop Jr., of the Waddlewell tribe. I'd also hypothetically have a hypothetical blog in which I pose as a female in her adolescence, but purely hypothetically.

3) Would you consider your ears to be smaller than average, average, larger than average, or freakishly large?

My ears are actually quite a nice size. In fact, they may be my fourth favorite feature.
Thankfully, I narrowly avoided some terrible ear genetics. On the other hand, I probably missed out on the ability to use my ears as sails.

4) Are you more of a Beatles or an Elvis fan? (If you answer the latter, please proceed to go set yourself on fire and then die in a hole.)
I was raised on a healthy diet of The Beatles and Songs I Am Embarrassed to Know Off By Heart.
I like The Beatles very much. Ringo's my favourite.

5) Have you ever killed anyone? If so, did you do it with your bare hands?
I, for one, have not killed anyone. If I did so, however, I would use an elegant poison, not my bare hands. I've been reading up on thallium lately, although I suppose that iocane powder would do very nicely.

6) If you could use any fruit to describe the size and shape of your head, what fruit would you use?
I just asked my mom. She says that it's like an upside-down pear, but I hope that it's a bit larger than that. My brother said dragon fruit, then pineapple, but I have reasons to doubt his sincerity. It kind of looks like a nectarine. I'm going to be self-conscious now, thanks a lot.

7) Is there any famous person you'd go gay for? Please state their name. This question is, of course, purely for academic purposes.
Taylor Swift is kind of attractive. But then if she got angry at me she would write a catchy and scathing breakup song, so I guess she's out.
Luna Lovegood.
8) If you had the choice, would you rather go to space, meet Paul McCartney, scuba dive in the Pacific Ocean, or sleep with Carmen Electra?

Can I play an elaborate prank on Carmen Electra involving seducing her? She'd meet me in a yellow submarine with Paul McCartney in the Pacific Ocean, but then the yellow submarine would turn into a spaceship and we'd go to space, and then the prank would get really great but I need some more time to plan it.
9) How long have you had your blog? What made you start one?
I've had my blog since September 19th, 2010. It's weird that it's almost been a year, and that I actually have followers.
This blog was actually an offshoot of this other blog that I had, which was so terrible that I made a new one. I don't really talk about my first blog, but I guess I got it because all of my internet friends had blogs, and I am easily manipulated. By the time I got this blog, I actually wanted to write.

10) What is your weirdest phobia?

I sometimes convince myself that the earth will detonate in the next ten seconds.

11) Do you believe in God?

The last time someone asked me that I ran away shrieking gibberish. I think I kind of scared him.
I'd like to believe in God, if that makes sense. I also really like my religion.

12) If you could start a collab. blog with any four bloggers, which ones would you do it with?

I think that I'd lose every bit of self-esteem I had if I collaborated with anyone. THEY'RE ALL SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME.

Can I just sit and watch as Christopher (who I keep thinking of as That Blond Guy in my head,) Jessica, Zehra, and that person who does Hyperbole and a Half do their stuff?

13) If you were trapped on a desert island with the same four bloggers you mentioned in the last question, which one would you eat first? With which one would you procreate?
Well, since there's only one male, the procreation is kind of a given, for practicality's sake. I hope that he's alright with raising our child to speak piglatin, because that's very important to me.
I think I'd eat the fattest person first, or perhaps eat some babies.

14) What's your favourite 80's movie?

Back to the Future comes in second.

15) What kind of music do you listen to?

I listen to most types of music. I spend a lot of time on YouTube listening to obscure bands who refuse to sell their music on iTunes because it's too mainstream for them or something.

16) Imagine that you open your bedroom closet one day and suddenly a portal opens up. You can't see what is at the end of the portal, but there is a totoro inside it motioning you to follow him. Would you go inside, even if it might mean you'll never come back?

If it offers me some candy or asks me to help it find its lost dog, then I'd love to!

17) If you're a woman, do you find facial hair on men attractive? If you're a man, do you find facial hair on woman attractive?

There are very few people who I find facial hair attractive on.

18) Do you like babies?

I like babies very much.

19) What's the most violent thing you've ever done to an inanimate object?

I once accidentally twisted the head off of my little cousin's barbie. I hid it behind the TV.
I've also taken apart a computer and then thrown the casing into the snow and jumped on it repeatedly, afterwards hitting it with a sledgehammer.
I killed an egg named Moe once by dropping him off a ladder.

20) What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?

I embarrass myself a lot, so I'm sort of used to it, but I'd have to say The Arm Kissing Incident. I WAS IN GRADE TWO, OKAY?!

21) Do you think the world will end in 2012?

I think that the world will end in exactly 17 minutes.
(I did it again. Argh.)

22) Have you enjoyed this survey? Be honest, now.

I like surveys. I don't need anything to write about to fill them in, which is nice.

23) Are you following The Nerd Archives? If not, DO YOURSELF THE FAVOUR OF DOING SO NOW.

I tag anyone who's reading this to do it, if they feel like it.

School starts tomorrow. I will maybe go sleep. Maybe wait for mass destruction, first.