I really do have an absurd number of plaid flannel shirts, bottles of maple syrup, and polar bears.

Hello. Somebody is sitting next to me, attempting to shove food down my throat. It isn't her fault; she's Jewish. But she should stop. Just saying. 

A lot of people have been shoving food down my throat lately. 

Honest Gabi: No, just you. 

Girly Gabi: Seriously, you ate a fifth of a cheesecake. Like, do you know how many calories are in that?

Poetic Gabi: It went down my throat so quickly. Its life was fleeting, but beautiful.

ADD Gabi: I really like cheesecake. And carrots. I ate an entire bag of mini carrots last week. 

Coach Gabi: INCREASING YOUR VITAMIN A INTAKE, ARE YOU?! THEN WHY ARE YOU ATROCIOUS AT WRESTLING?

Scholarly Gabi: Those aren't correlated. Vitamin A is responsible for vision. And, as it was the first wrestling practise --

Random Bystander: You wrestle? That's funny because I see you as clumsy, socially awkward, and a pushover. 

Yeah, I joined the wrestling team. Since my family burst into laughter upon hearing this, I've decided to compile a list of reasons why I'm manly. In a feminine, sexually viable way. 

a) According to the Jew sitting beside me force-feeding me noodles, I have manly thumbs. But they're handsome.

b) I could probably use my hair as a weapon.

c) I'm wearing a flannel plaid shirt. I'm totally a lumberjack. 

d) I'm a Gryffindor. 

Scholarly Gabi: No, you are not. Pottermore clearly made an analytical error, and you're clearly in Ravenclaw.

Overachiever Gabi: HOW CAN YOU BE A RAVENCLAW IF YOU GOT 35% ON A SCIENCE QUIZ TODAY!?

ADD Gabi: I'm on the same dose of meds I've been on since grade 4. I may need a higher dose. And I was thinking about the blog's anniversary and what we could write about. 

Overachiever Gabi: Gabi, get your prescription changed please.

Nice Gabi: See, that was a pretty nice suggestion! We may even belong in Hufflepuff!

Honest Gabi: You're a Ravenpuff. You also have really unhealthy sleeping habits and you are self-absorbed.

ADD Gabi: I just ate an ice cream bar in, like, 45 seconds! It was so cool! We can write about that on the blog's anniversary post!


Girly Gabi: That's stupid! Everyone's going to think you're fat and, like, hate you. We should write about my new wardrobe!


Teenage Gabi: Can we write about how much more mature I am than a year ago, but how I'm also jaded and world-weary? 


Poetic Gabi: We could use my seven plaid shirts as a metaphor!


Honest Gabi: See, you're so self absorbed! In the middle of a list about yourself, you felt compelled to add an entire conversation between the different aspects of your personality, and argue about the blog's anniversary post. 


ADD Gabi: Today's the blog's anniversary? OH YEAH, I KNEW THAT!


Overachiever Gabi: Nobody's going to finish the list, are they? Nobody does any work around here. Ugh.


**********************************


Yeah, I've had this blog for a year. That's weird.


I didn't really want to do one of those I've Had My Blog For a Year and That's Awesome posts, because they're awesome, but I don't have enough posts that I'm proud of. So this year's goal is to make more good quality posts, I suppose. I kind of already defeated my purpose in this post, because it sucks. Yay.


-Gabi

I did this survey thing. I want a chocolate chip cookie.

A long time ago, while I was in the wilderness (WIWINW,) Christopher over at The Nerd Archives wrote this survey thing. And I was bored. Don't expect much good writing.


I couldn't help but notice that HE DIDN'T FILL OUT HIS OWN SURVEY. Yeah, that was a challenge. If he did fill out his own survey, then I'll be really embarrassed, but that's okay.


1) Please state your name for the record?


(readjusts monocle) I don't like the sentence structure of this question. I'm sorry, but I am a critical survey-taker.
Fun fact: I actually could get a monocle. Like, the optometrist said I could! It has to do with my eyesight being weird.
Oh, my name is Gabrielle. People generally call me Gabi. I respond to Esther too.


2) If you were a penguin, on the other hand, what do you think your name would be? Hypothetically speaking, of course.


Hypothetically? Well, hypothetically, and strictly hypothetically, my name would be Bernado McFlipflop Jr., of the Waddlewell tribe. I'd also hypothetically have a hypothetical blog in which I pose as a female in her adolescence, but purely hypothetically.


3) Would you consider your ears to be smaller than average, average, larger than average, or freakishly large?


My ears are actually quite a nice size. In fact, they may be my fourth favorite feature.
Thankfully, I narrowly avoided some terrible ear genetics. On the other hand, I probably missed out on the ability to use my ears as sails.


4) Are you more of a Beatles or an Elvis fan? (If you answer the latter, please proceed to go set yourself on fire and then die in a hole.)
I was raised on a healthy diet of The Beatles and Songs I Am Embarrassed to Know Off By Heart.
I like The Beatles very much. Ringo's my favourite.


5) Have you ever killed anyone? If so, did you do it with your bare hands?
I, for one, have not killed anyone. If I did so, however, I would use an elegant poison, not my bare hands. I've been reading up on thallium lately, although I suppose that iocane powder would do very nicely.


6) If you could use any fruit to describe the size and shape of your head, what fruit would you use?
I just asked my mom. She says that it's like an upside-down pear, but I hope that it's a bit larger than that. My brother said dragon fruit, then pineapple, but I have reasons to doubt his sincerity. It kind of looks like a nectarine. I'm going to be self-conscious now, thanks a lot.


7) Is there any famous person you'd go gay for? Please state their name. This question is, of course, purely for academic purposes.
Taylor Swift is kind of attractive. But then if she got angry at me she would write a catchy and scathing breakup song, so I guess she's out.
I CAN GO GAY FOR FICTIONAL CHARACTERS, RIGHT?
Luna Lovegood.
8) If you had the choice, would you rather go to space, meet Paul McCartney, scuba dive in the Pacific Ocean, or sleep with Carmen Electra?


Can I play an elaborate prank on Carmen Electra involving seducing her? She'd meet me in a yellow submarine with Paul McCartney in the Pacific Ocean, but then the yellow submarine would turn into a spaceship and we'd go to space, and then the prank would get really great but I need some more time to plan it.
9) How long have you had your blog? What made you start one?
I've had my blog since September 19th, 2010. It's weird that it's almost been a year, and that I actually have followers.
This blog was actually an offshoot of this other blog that I had, which was so terrible that I made a new one. I don't really talk about my first blog, but I guess I got it because all of my internet friends had blogs, and I am easily manipulated. By the time I got this blog, I actually wanted to write.


10) What is your weirdest phobia?


I sometimes convince myself that the earth will detonate in the next ten seconds.


11) Do you believe in God?


The last time someone asked me that I ran away shrieking gibberish. I think I kind of scared him.
I'd like to believe in God, if that makes sense. I also really like my religion.


12) If you could start a collab. blog with any four bloggers, which ones would you do it with?


I think that I'd lose every bit of self-esteem I had if I collaborated with anyone. THEY'RE ALL SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME.


Can I just sit and watch as Christopher (who I keep thinking of as That Blond Guy in my head,) Jessica, Zehra, and that person who does Hyperbole and a Half do their stuff?


13) If you were trapped on a desert island with the same four bloggers you mentioned in the last question, which one would you eat first? With which one would you procreate?
Well, since there's only one male, the procreation is kind of a given, for practicality's sake. I hope that he's alright with raising our child to speak piglatin, because that's very important to me.
I think I'd eat the fattest person first, or perhaps eat some babies.


14) What's your favourite 80's movie?


THE PRINCESS BRIDE.
Back to the Future comes in second.


15) What kind of music do you listen to?


I listen to most types of music. I spend a lot of time on YouTube listening to obscure bands who refuse to sell their music on iTunes because it's too mainstream for them or something.


16) Imagine that you open your bedroom closet one day and suddenly a portal opens up. You can't see what is at the end of the portal, but there is a totoro inside it motioning you to follow him. Would you go inside, even if it might mean you'll never come back?


If it offers me some candy or asks me to help it find its lost dog, then I'd love to!


17) If you're a woman, do you find facial hair on men attractive? If you're a man, do you find facial hair on woman attractive?


There are very few people who I find facial hair attractive on.


18) Do you like babies?


GIVE ME BABIES!
I like babies very much.


19) What's the most violent thing you've ever done to an inanimate object?


I once accidentally twisted the head off of my little cousin's barbie. I hid it behind the TV.
I've also taken apart a computer and then thrown the casing into the snow and jumped on it repeatedly, afterwards hitting it with a sledgehammer.
I killed an egg named Moe once by dropping him off a ladder.


20) What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?


I embarrass myself a lot, so I'm sort of used to it, but I'd have to say The Arm Kissing Incident. I WAS IN GRADE TWO, OKAY?!


21) Do you think the world will end in 2012?


I think that the world will end in exactly 17 minutes.
(I did it again. Argh.)


22) Have you enjoyed this survey? Be honest, now.


I like surveys. I don't need anything to write about to fill them in, which is nice.


23) Are you following The Nerd Archives? If not, DO YOURSELF THE FAVOUR OF DOING SO NOW.
OKAY!


I tag anyone who's reading this to do it, if they feel like it.


**************************************
School starts tomorrow. I will maybe go sleep. Maybe wait for mass destruction, first.


-Gabi

I have a farmer's, flip-flop, bathing suit, bikini, and watch tan. I'm not even a redhead.

Hello. Gabi here.

Coach Gabi: DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY?!

I'm kind of just hoping that the words will flow, you know?

Coach Gabi: WELL PUSH THAT FLOW.

ADHD Gabi: (giggles) That's what she said!

Girly Gabi: How come she gets all the guys?!

Scholarly Gabi: I believe that the woman that is referred to by the pronoun "she" in that sentence does not exist. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it is said whenever --

Honest Gabi: (to Girly Gabi) What my well-read friend should be saying is that you were kissed this summer by the same nerdboy you talked about all year. Stop whining.

Scholarly Gabi: Also, it's virtually impossible for one female to "get" all males regardless. To have any sort of physical contact at all with every male on the planet, even only limiting oneself to hominids, wouldn't work, let alone any contact that is --

Girly Gabi: I know we kissed! But then he was mean!

Teenage Gabi: My heart shattered into thousands of tiny, glistening, blood-coated shards when I found out that he was using me.

Girly Gabi: You're so right! And he's still so hot.

Poetic Gabi: Each time I gaze at the stars we lied under together, I remember how they were brighter that night, before he so cruelly spurned me.

Musical Gabi: (Takes out iPod, and begins harmonizing to the song playing) ♫Who do you think you aaaarreeee running round leavin' scaaaarrsss♫

ADHD Gabi: I have a lot of bruises on my legs. A lot of them are from walking into benches.

Honest Gabi: Actually, almost all of them are.

Teenage Gabi: My heart has bruises.

Coach Gabi: I HAVE BRUISES FROM SHEER DETERMINATION. YOU KNOW WHAT I DID THIS SUMMER? I CARRIED FOOD BARRELS, I CARRIED CANOES AS SOON AS THE FOOD BARRELS BECAME LIGHTER THAN THE CANOES, AND I BARREL ROLLED. I BARREL ROLLED A KAYAK AND A CANOE. WITH SHEER DETERMINATION! AND A PADDLE!

Nice Gabi: You all need a nice, hot cup of tea.

ADHD Gabi: So when I barrel rolled, I went upside down, and then I moved the paddle and I wasn't upside down anymore! And then I did it again and again!

Coach Gabi: THAT'S RIGHT! YOU ARE A MASTER IN KAYAKING. YOU EVEN HAVE A ROPE BRACELET  AND A CERTIFICATE TO PROVE IT!

ADHD Gabi: Um. . .

Coach Gabi: WHERE'S THE BRACELET?!

ADHD Gabi: Ilostit.

Coach Gabi: WHAT?!

ADHD Gabi: I was swimming with our cousins in their pool -

Honest Gabi: Our aunt and uncle are rich because they're both doctors--

ADHD Gabi: and I took it off and then I forgot it at their house and then I did the same thing with my cabin bracelet and please don't hate me!!

Girly Gabi: THAT BRACELET WAS FROM OUR GIRL BONDING!

Poetic Gabi: Those both held so much sentimental value. I'll write eulogies.

Coach Gabi: THAT'S IT! WE'RE GIVING YOU A HIGHER DOSE OF RITALIN.

ADHD Gabi: But I don't take ritalin.

Scholarly Gabi: We're on 40 milligrams of --

Hippy Gabi: I will not allow those chemicals into my body!

ADHD Gabi: AAAH COOL LIGHTNING! I LOVE THUNDERSTORMS!

Hippy Gabi: Mother Nature is so enlightening.

Poetic Gabi: I think we should go stand barefoot outside right by the lake at the cottage underneath a tree to feel inspired.

Coach Gabi: LET'S DO IT!!

10 minutes later

Poetic Gabi: That was beautiful.

Teenage Gabi: I can't believe our parents made us go back inside.

Nice Gabi: I'm getting a bit worried about Common Sense Gabi. Has anyone seen her around lately?

ADHD Gabi: I saw her tied up in a closet right before we put silly notes that couldn't possibly have been interpreted as creepy in the guys' cabins! I forgot to tell you guys! Haven't seen her since!

***********************************************
Hullo, everyone! I'm back home. Kind of.
This is being posted from my grandparents' cottage, which is a half acre of property with a cosy cabin right by the lake. It's beautiful, especially with the lightning illuminating the tree branches in the dark once in a while.

On another note, I'm fully expecting my cold (which I may or may not have gotten from a certain guy) to get worse after tonight.

Time to catch up on peoples' blogs. Or maybe not. I'll see.

-Gabi

Cheerios suddenly hold more appeal for me than they should. . .

I haven't posted for the last 11 days. What have I been doing, you ask? 

Honest Gabi: Dude, nobody cares. 

Teenage Gabi: I spent a lot of time discussing the futility of life with my depressing conversation buddy. Then I cried bitter tears of regret, anger, and lack of faith in the human race.

ADHD Gabi: How can tears be made up of a lack of faith? How can tears be made up of regret? HOW CAN TEARS BE MADE OUT OF CHOCOLATE MILK? 

Scholarly Gabi: I wonder if you could transplant mammary glands for tear ducts. You'd have to insert a sac to hold the chocolate flavouring, too.

Teenage Gabi: My tears weren't chocolate, dumbass. My tears were regret, anger, and a lack of faith in the human race.

Girly Gabi: You didn't actually cry, you just gave me really red eyes. Ugly red eyes. Like, how selfish could you be?

Nice Gabi: I think that everyone just needs a big hug. 

ADHD Gabi: I like chocolate. Can I have that instead of a hug, or maybe some marshmallows?

Hippy Gabi: Marshmallows have gelatin in them. That's derived from dead animals.

ADHD Gabi: I don't like dead puppies. I still like chocolate, though, and oranges, and chocolate oranges!

Teenage Gabi: If it was dark chocolate it could be like the depths of my soul. 

Normal Person Gabi: SHUT UP ABOUT THE DEPTHS OF YOUR SOUL. Like, you aren't even a large part of Gabi as a Whole, but look at all of the dialog you get! Then look at me. I'm normal, and regular.

ADHD Gabi: Teehee. You said regular!

Normal Person Gabi: Yes. Go away. Anyway, I make up this gigantic part of Gabi, and look at the number of lines I get! 

Nice Gabi: Well, would you like to recap the last 11 days?

Normal Person Gabi: Oh! Well, sure! School finished, and then - 

Overachiever Gabi: You bombed an exam. You forgot that part. 

Scholarly Gabi: I'LL NEVER GET TO BE AN ASTROPHYSICIST!

Nice Gabi: It's okay, sweetie. 

Girly Gabi: Astrophysicists never get hot guys!

Normal Person Gabi: Can I continue? I had some social plans, went up to the cottage with my best friend, and that's about it.

Honest Gabi: That was so freaking boring. You need us to do some talking, or the readers will fall asleep.

ADHD Gabi: YOU FORGOT ABOUT THE PILLOW FORT*. IT WAS SO COOL. AND THE COOKIE DOUGH.

Honest Gabi: The cookie dough was gross, and you probably gained three pounds. 

Girly Gabi: Eeewww.

Coach Gabi: THIS IS WHY YOU NEED ME AROUND MORE, SEE? GET DOWN AND GIVE ME 100!

ADHD Gabi: I forgot how much I like trampolines.

*So our fort actually completely pwned any of the pansy forts in the link, although considering the large age difference between the builders it may be excused.

* * * * *

Anyway, I'm sorry for the big gaps between my posts lately, but get ready for a larger one.

I'll be leaving for overnight camp in a couple of days, and will be gone for the next two months. On my return, I will be mystified by the way in which a cursor moves when the mouse is moved. 

Bye for now!

-Gabi

P.S. If I'm not back by September, I was probably eaten by mosquitoes, bears, or bitchy girls. Don't worry about me.

This post ranges from wave-particle duality to the blatant abuse of meme generators.

I was walking towards a subway station a couple of weeks ago, or maybe away from a subway station, but that's inconsequential. The weather was perfect, and the description will sound clichéd, but it was sunny with a cool breeze, the right number of fluffy clouds in the sky, and a you-won't-get-sweaty-but-you-should-still-wear-shorts kind of temperature.  


I was strolling in a way that's overused in literature but not used enough in real life. Then I saw a young woman walking around, holding a parasol. This is amazing enough on its own. Of course, this woman must have been even more amazing than that, because this was a rainbow parasol. 


Accessories like that always fascinate me. Parasols especially fascinate me for two reasons.


Poetic Gabi is reminded of something that probably has a fancy word to describe it. I'll just call it elegance.


Nerdy Gabi likes that they work like umbrellas except with light, and anything that can work with something that behaves like particles but isn't - I just found out that that's called wave-particle duality - is pretty awesome. Even though anything visible can manipulate light, they call attention to it. 


The fact that the parasol was colourful fascinated me just as much. It reminded me of those boxes of Crayola crayons with 64 colours and those built in sharpeners that were always so exciting. 


Anyway, when I saw Parasol Lady, I stopped in my tracks to stare at her creepily. 


I think I should stop writing now, or I will get weirder, and that wouldn't be good.

This really, really isn't funny. I should get more sleep, or less sleep, or something.


-Gabi


P.S. I got a guitar case for my beat up and probably more than secondhand guitar. Thais helped me name the guitar Ricardo and the case Stevie. I am hoping that this will make me 100 times sexier. Ha. 

Secret: I only fill in this box after I've written my posts.

I've realized that sitting at the computer for the sole purpose of writing a blog post does not work for me. I have to actually want to write. I don't necessarily have to have a fully formed idea when I start, though. Most of my interesting posts don't.


Some of my fully formed ideas really don't work out well. These are all posts that have been sitting in my drafts or would be if I had been around a keyboard at the right times.


I have/do want(ed) to write about:


1. Peanut butter filled pretzels. Every time I eat them I immediately think of how blatantly American they are. Then I stare at their guts for awhile to figure out how they got the peanut butter inside.

2. The sarcastic brilliance of Let Me Google That For You. I'd love to be that passive aggressive, but multiple inner Gabrielles yell at me for how inefficient that particular brand of aggressiveness is.

3. The Orthodox Jewish community. I think about where I want to stand in this community almost as often as I think about -
Scholarly Gabi: Epistemology, right?


Teenage Gabi: The futility of life.


Musical Gabi: ♫ musiiiic! ♫


Coach Gabi: My core muscles.


Girly Gabi: Cute guys!


Uh, sure. 

Realistic Gabi: Girly Gabi was right on that one. You suck.

Anywhoooooodle. I feel like that particular topic will be too dry to go on about without frequent gags like that, and Teenage Gabi would be unhappy about that breach of her seriousness.

4. My lovely neighbour, my wonderful best friend, and I wrote an article called Your Vagina and You the other day. It's a bit, um, not suitable for my current audience. Or anyone, really. I think that Jessica (who I still have not actually spoken to. Thais tells me I should. IpromiseI'monlysortofastalker.) and Lola would have enjoyed it. Speaking of those two, check out their blogs!




So do you see how this post was really about nothing? Mostly just an excuse to ramble and practise my writing.


I'm going to go change my browser language to English (UK) now, because it keeps underlining my words in red squiggles.


-Gabi

My blog's carbon neutral now! :D

By following links on other peoples' (much better) blogs, I found out about this awesome initiative. This organization, the Arbor Day Foundation, is planting trees to carbon neutralize blogs. I'm trying to figure out how they're awesome enough to do this, and I intend to ask them in the e-mail I'll be sending them shortly. 

Also, I get a pretty icon!

I love this initiative because the environment is really important to me, and nature's always been a part of my life. 

My family used to drive up to The Cottage every weekend. (Canadians say The Cottage to refer to any cottages at all. This particular The Cottage belongs to my grandparents.) I can remember being woken up as a little kid by birds chirping and the lake washing back and forth, and everything smelling like life. 

My grandfather (or Zaidy) then made me hot chocolate, served with some coffee snuck snook sneaked in and a wink, while my grandmother (Bubby) fussed over me like a true Jewish grandmother. I usually had eggs or pancakes.

Then I went outside and looked at things, often with Zaidy. Zaidy would show me trembling aspens, and tent caterpillars, and we'd make maple syrup, and look at birds' nests.

The nest of one particular bird left a particularly large impression on me.

A ladder was perched on the side of the work shed. 

"This is a robin's nest, Gabrielle, and there are eggs in it, ready to hatch," he said, "You can look inside but be careful not to touch anything."

So I climbed the ladder, my grandfather's hands supporting me. Perched precariously, I peered inside the nest. There were beautiful, wonderful eggs, each holding a tiny little avian life inside. They were the colour of the sky, mottled with white and tiny flecks of brown here and there.

I slipped.

I reached out to grasp something.

The nest.

The eggs shattered into a bloody mess. 

I cried.

This is kind of funny, seeing as I still have next to no coordination. I should really laugh in retrospect. But those eggs. They were such a perfect shade of blue.

This post has been more serious and, in all likelihood, more boring than my usual posts, but I have an actual message here.

Go for a hike. Look out for fairies. 

Stop to smell the roses. If all that's left is concrete, plant flowers yourself.

Look at a tree for a while. There's a sort of poetry in those things.

There's way more you can do, of course. Do at least that. Feeling close to nature is important.

With every generation we get further from our roots, further from our ancestors who ran around in loincloths and ululated and stuff. Yeah, the loincloths weren't that pretty. But their forests, prairies, and jungles? The most beautiful things in the world.