I have a farmer's, flip-flop, bathing suit, bikini, and watch tan. I'm not even a redhead.

Hello. Gabi here.

Coach Gabi: DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY?!

I'm kind of just hoping that the words will flow, you know?

Coach Gabi: WELL PUSH THAT FLOW.

ADHD Gabi: (giggles) That's what she said!

Girly Gabi: How come she gets all the guys?!

Scholarly Gabi: I believe that the woman that is referred to by the pronoun "she" in that sentence does not exist. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it is said whenever --

Honest Gabi: (to Girly Gabi) What my well-read friend should be saying is that you were kissed this summer by the same nerdboy you talked about all year. Stop whining.

Scholarly Gabi: Also, it's virtually impossible for one female to "get" all males regardless. To have any sort of physical contact at all with every male on the planet, even only limiting oneself to hominids, wouldn't work, let alone any contact that is --

Girly Gabi: I know we kissed! But then he was mean!

Teenage Gabi: My heart shattered into thousands of tiny, glistening, blood-coated shards when I found out that he was using me.

Girly Gabi: You're so right! And he's still so hot.

Poetic Gabi: Each time I gaze at the stars we lied under together, I remember how they were brighter that night, before he so cruelly spurned me.

Musical Gabi: (Takes out iPod, and begins harmonizing to the song playing) ♫Who do you think you aaaarreeee running round leavin' scaaaarrsss♫

ADHD Gabi: I have a lot of bruises on my legs. A lot of them are from walking into benches.

Honest Gabi: Actually, almost all of them are.

Teenage Gabi: My heart has bruises.

Coach Gabi: I HAVE BRUISES FROM SHEER DETERMINATION. YOU KNOW WHAT I DID THIS SUMMER? I CARRIED FOOD BARRELS, I CARRIED CANOES AS SOON AS THE FOOD BARRELS BECAME LIGHTER THAN THE CANOES, AND I BARREL ROLLED. I BARREL ROLLED A KAYAK AND A CANOE. WITH SHEER DETERMINATION! AND A PADDLE!

Nice Gabi: You all need a nice, hot cup of tea.

ADHD Gabi: So when I barrel rolled, I went upside down, and then I moved the paddle and I wasn't upside down anymore! And then I did it again and again!

Coach Gabi: THAT'S RIGHT! YOU ARE A MASTER IN KAYAKING. YOU EVEN HAVE A ROPE BRACELET  AND A CERTIFICATE TO PROVE IT!

ADHD Gabi: Um. . .

Coach Gabi: WHERE'S THE BRACELET?!

ADHD Gabi: Ilostit.

Coach Gabi: WHAT?!

ADHD Gabi: I was swimming with our cousins in their pool -

Honest Gabi: Our aunt and uncle are rich because they're both doctors--

ADHD Gabi: and I took it off and then I forgot it at their house and then I did the same thing with my cabin bracelet and please don't hate me!!

Girly Gabi: THAT BRACELET WAS FROM OUR GIRL BONDING!

Poetic Gabi: Those both held so much sentimental value. I'll write eulogies.

Coach Gabi: THAT'S IT! WE'RE GIVING YOU A HIGHER DOSE OF RITALIN.

ADHD Gabi: But I don't take ritalin.

Scholarly Gabi: We're on 40 milligrams of --

Hippy Gabi: I will not allow those chemicals into my body!

ADHD Gabi: AAAH COOL LIGHTNING! I LOVE THUNDERSTORMS!

Hippy Gabi: Mother Nature is so enlightening.

Poetic Gabi: I think we should go stand barefoot outside right by the lake at the cottage underneath a tree to feel inspired.

Coach Gabi: LET'S DO IT!!

10 minutes later

Poetic Gabi: That was beautiful.

Teenage Gabi: I can't believe our parents made us go back inside.

Nice Gabi: I'm getting a bit worried about Common Sense Gabi. Has anyone seen her around lately?

ADHD Gabi: I saw her tied up in a closet right before we put silly notes that couldn't possibly have been interpreted as creepy in the guys' cabins! I forgot to tell you guys! Haven't seen her since!

***********************************************
Hullo, everyone! I'm back home. Kind of.
This is being posted from my grandparents' cottage, which is a half acre of property with a cosy cabin right by the lake. It's beautiful, especially with the lightning illuminating the tree branches in the dark once in a while.

On another note, I'm fully expecting my cold (which I may or may not have gotten from a certain guy) to get worse after tonight.

Time to catch up on peoples' blogs. Or maybe not. I'll see.

-Gabi

Cheerios suddenly hold more appeal for me than they should. . .

I haven't posted for the last 11 days. What have I been doing, you ask? 

Honest Gabi: Dude, nobody cares. 

Teenage Gabi: I spent a lot of time discussing the futility of life with my depressing conversation buddy. Then I cried bitter tears of regret, anger, and lack of faith in the human race.

ADHD Gabi: How can tears be made up of a lack of faith? How can tears be made up of regret? HOW CAN TEARS BE MADE OUT OF CHOCOLATE MILK? 

Scholarly Gabi: I wonder if you could transplant mammary glands for tear ducts. You'd have to insert a sac to hold the chocolate flavouring, too.

Teenage Gabi: My tears weren't chocolate, dumbass. My tears were regret, anger, and a lack of faith in the human race.

Girly Gabi: You didn't actually cry, you just gave me really red eyes. Ugly red eyes. Like, how selfish could you be?

Nice Gabi: I think that everyone just needs a big hug. 

ADHD Gabi: I like chocolate. Can I have that instead of a hug, or maybe some marshmallows?

Hippy Gabi: Marshmallows have gelatin in them. That's derived from dead animals.

ADHD Gabi: I don't like dead puppies. I still like chocolate, though, and oranges, and chocolate oranges!

Teenage Gabi: If it was dark chocolate it could be like the depths of my soul. 

Normal Person Gabi: SHUT UP ABOUT THE DEPTHS OF YOUR SOUL. Like, you aren't even a large part of Gabi as a Whole, but look at all of the dialog you get! Then look at me. I'm normal, and regular.

ADHD Gabi: Teehee. You said regular!

Normal Person Gabi: Yes. Go away. Anyway, I make up this gigantic part of Gabi, and look at the number of lines I get! 

Nice Gabi: Well, would you like to recap the last 11 days?

Normal Person Gabi: Oh! Well, sure! School finished, and then - 

Overachiever Gabi: You bombed an exam. You forgot that part. 

Scholarly Gabi: I'LL NEVER GET TO BE AN ASTROPHYSICIST!

Nice Gabi: It's okay, sweetie. 

Girly Gabi: Astrophysicists never get hot guys!

Normal Person Gabi: Can I continue? I had some social plans, went up to the cottage with my best friend, and that's about it.

Honest Gabi: That was so freaking boring. You need us to do some talking, or the readers will fall asleep.

ADHD Gabi: YOU FORGOT ABOUT THE PILLOW FORT*. IT WAS SO COOL. AND THE COOKIE DOUGH.

Honest Gabi: The cookie dough was gross, and you probably gained three pounds. 

Girly Gabi: Eeewww.

Coach Gabi: THIS IS WHY YOU NEED ME AROUND MORE, SEE? GET DOWN AND GIVE ME 100!

ADHD Gabi: I forgot how much I like trampolines.

*So our fort actually completely pwned any of the pansy forts in the link, although considering the large age difference between the builders it may be excused.

* * * * *

Anyway, I'm sorry for the big gaps between my posts lately, but get ready for a larger one.

I'll be leaving for overnight camp in a couple of days, and will be gone for the next two months. On my return, I will be mystified by the way in which a cursor moves when the mouse is moved. 

Bye for now!

-Gabi

P.S. If I'm not back by September, I was probably eaten by mosquitoes, bears, or bitchy girls. Don't worry about me.

This post ranges from wave-particle duality to the blatant abuse of meme generators.

I was walking towards a subway station a couple of weeks ago, or maybe away from a subway station, but that's inconsequential. The weather was perfect, and the description will sound clichéd, but it was sunny with a cool breeze, the right number of fluffy clouds in the sky, and a you-won't-get-sweaty-but-you-should-still-wear-shorts kind of temperature.  


I was strolling in a way that's overused in literature but not used enough in real life. Then I saw a young woman walking around, holding a parasol. This is amazing enough on its own. Of course, this woman must have been even more amazing than that, because this was a rainbow parasol. 


Accessories like that always fascinate me. Parasols especially fascinate me for two reasons.


Poetic Gabi is reminded of something that probably has a fancy word to describe it. I'll just call it elegance.


Nerdy Gabi likes that they work like umbrellas except with light, and anything that can work with something that behaves like particles but isn't - I just found out that that's called wave-particle duality - is pretty awesome. Even though anything visible can manipulate light, they call attention to it. 


The fact that the parasol was colourful fascinated me just as much. It reminded me of those boxes of Crayola crayons with 64 colours and those built in sharpeners that were always so exciting. 


Anyway, when I saw Parasol Lady, I stopped in my tracks to stare at her creepily. 


I think I should stop writing now, or I will get weirder, and that wouldn't be good.

This really, really isn't funny. I should get more sleep, or less sleep, or something.


-Gabi


P.S. I got a guitar case for my beat up and probably more than secondhand guitar. Thais helped me name the guitar Ricardo and the case Stevie. I am hoping that this will make me 100 times sexier. Ha. 

Secret: I only fill in this box after I've written my posts.

I've realized that sitting at the computer for the sole purpose of writing a blog post does not work for me. I have to actually want to write. I don't necessarily have to have a fully formed idea when I start, though. Most of my interesting posts don't.


Some of my fully formed ideas really don't work out well. These are all posts that have been sitting in my drafts or would be if I had been around a keyboard at the right times.


I have/do want(ed) to write about:


1. Peanut butter filled pretzels. Every time I eat them I immediately think of how blatantly American they are. Then I stare at their guts for awhile to figure out how they got the peanut butter inside.

2. The sarcastic brilliance of Let Me Google That For You. I'd love to be that passive aggressive, but multiple inner Gabrielles yell at me for how inefficient that particular brand of aggressiveness is.

3. The Orthodox Jewish community. I think about where I want to stand in this community almost as often as I think about -
Scholarly Gabi: Epistemology, right?


Teenage Gabi: The futility of life.


Musical Gabi: ♫ musiiiic! ♫


Coach Gabi: My core muscles.


Girly Gabi: Cute guys!


Uh, sure. 

Realistic Gabi: Girly Gabi was right on that one. You suck.

Anywhoooooodle. I feel like that particular topic will be too dry to go on about without frequent gags like that, and Teenage Gabi would be unhappy about that breach of her seriousness.

4. My lovely neighbour, my wonderful best friend, and I wrote an article called Your Vagina and You the other day. It's a bit, um, not suitable for my current audience. Or anyone, really. I think that Jessica (who I still have not actually spoken to. Thais tells me I should. IpromiseI'monlysortofastalker.) and Lola would have enjoyed it. Speaking of those two, check out their blogs!




So do you see how this post was really about nothing? Mostly just an excuse to ramble and practise my writing.


I'm going to go change my browser language to English (UK) now, because it keeps underlining my words in red squiggles.


-Gabi

My blog's carbon neutral now! :D

By following links on other peoples' (much better) blogs, I found out about this awesome initiative. This organization, the Arbor Day Foundation, is planting trees to carbon neutralize blogs. I'm trying to figure out how they're awesome enough to do this, and I intend to ask them in the e-mail I'll be sending them shortly. 

Also, I get a pretty icon!

I love this initiative because the environment is really important to me, and nature's always been a part of my life. 

My family used to drive up to The Cottage every weekend. (Canadians say The Cottage to refer to any cottages at all. This particular The Cottage belongs to my grandparents.) I can remember being woken up as a little kid by birds chirping and the lake washing back and forth, and everything smelling like life. 

My grandfather (or Zaidy) then made me hot chocolate, served with some coffee snuck snook sneaked in and a wink, while my grandmother (Bubby) fussed over me like a true Jewish grandmother. I usually had eggs or pancakes.

Then I went outside and looked at things, often with Zaidy. Zaidy would show me trembling aspens, and tent caterpillars, and we'd make maple syrup, and look at birds' nests.

The nest of one particular bird left a particularly large impression on me.

A ladder was perched on the side of the work shed. 

"This is a robin's nest, Gabrielle, and there are eggs in it, ready to hatch," he said, "You can look inside but be careful not to touch anything."

So I climbed the ladder, my grandfather's hands supporting me. Perched precariously, I peered inside the nest. There were beautiful, wonderful eggs, each holding a tiny little avian life inside. They were the colour of the sky, mottled with white and tiny flecks of brown here and there.

I slipped.

I reached out to grasp something.

The nest.

The eggs shattered into a bloody mess. 

I cried.

This is kind of funny, seeing as I still have next to no coordination. I should really laugh in retrospect. But those eggs. They were such a perfect shade of blue.

This post has been more serious and, in all likelihood, more boring than my usual posts, but I have an actual message here.

Go for a hike. Look out for fairies. 

Stop to smell the roses. If all that's left is concrete, plant flowers yourself.

Look at a tree for a while. There's a sort of poetry in those things.

There's way more you can do, of course. Do at least that. Feeling close to nature is important.

With every generation we get further from our roots, further from our ancestors who ran around in loincloths and ululated and stuff. Yeah, the loincloths weren't that pretty. But their forests, prairies, and jungles? The most beautiful things in the world. 

My vampiric skin is going to die from the sun, but I am going to work outside.

I think that bad colds are one of the most wretched things ever. I've been walking around the house with glazed eyes and a tissue box acting as an extension of myself.


The problem with colds is that they aren't quite bad enough to miss anything important for without sounding like a half-arsed excuse. Even internal Overachiever Gabi doesn't like it, which is frustrating enough.


Body: My head hurds, and my nose is sduffy. Also, I dond thik thad my brain is functioning pwoperly.


Overachiever Gabi: Shut up. Deal with it. Drop and give me twenty.


Body: Bud. . . everyding. Id all hurds.


Realistic Gabi: Seriously, Overachiever. We're supposed to be in pain here.


Body: Yes. Let me get fat.


Scholarly Gabi: To get clinically overweight you would need to have a body mass index in the 85th percentile or above. That would mean you would have to have a net gain of calories. If you would like to do it in a week, you would need to have the right amount of calories, that is to say, two thousand six hundred elevendy twelve -- I mean, 2 and 5-- NO WAIT. BANANASMONKEYSDUCKS ERROR


ERROR


ERROR


ERROR


ADHD Gabi: OMIGOSH SHE'S DEAD?! WHAT?!


Musical Gabi: ♫Dingdong the witch is dead!♫


Nice Gabi: This isn't the right time for singing, darling.


Body: I feel a sneeze coming. Id's coming. Gedd me a dissue. ACHOOOO!


ADHD Gabi: Your boogers look funny. Kind of like lemurs. REMEMBER ZABOOMAFOO?


Musical Gabi: ♫ME AND YOU AND ZOBOOMAFOOOOO♫


Teenager Gabi: I've been trying to feel sorry for myself over here. Go away. And can I give ADHD Gabi some Ritalin? Please?


Girly Gabi: Can I join you? Sniffling is so, like, unattractive.


Overachiever Gabi: Will somebody please resuscitate Scholarly Gabi? We have some math work that needs to be done.


Coach Gabi: YES. I KNOW CPR. I ALSO LIKE TO IMAGINE THAT I CAN LIFT CARS OVER MY HEAD. BODY, GO LIFT WEIGHTS.


Body: I'm. Frigging. Sick.


ADHD Gabi: I like waffles. I had some waffles with ice cream on them last night. And sprinkles. At a bar mitzvah. Isn't it funny when old people dance? I like flowers.


Scholarly Gabi: I'm surprised at how interestingly you managed to leap from thought to thought.


Nice Gabi: She's alive!


Motherly Gabi: Let's just give her some chicken soup and she'll perk right up.


Hippie Gabi: I'm a vegetarian.


Body: Can I go do sleep dow?






     Anyway, that's my brain. I think I'm going to roll with Overachiever Gabi for a while and try to get some work done.




 But first, PHOTOS!


I took this picture at the park near my house. I think that whoever did this is really awesome, but needs to learn how to spell Chewbacca.

And this person's house made me really happy. It feels magical, which is too rare in cities. I want a magical house one day.

<3 Gabi

Despite what the preview might show you, this totally isn't an erotica. *looks uncomfortable*

I leaned over, biting my lip and almost holding my breath. My hands worked as I tried to manoeuvre in the right ways to get full access to the darker parts of my subject. The girl beside me looked at me, lips turned up in a smile. 

"You're good at stripping, right?" 

"Yes, actually. But you should probably take care of attaching stuff while I'm doing that."

After a few twists and turns and manipulations, we locked eyes. 

"Almost there. . ."

"Yes!" 

There was a dazzling burst of light. 

I was wiring a circuit, what did you think? 

Whilst trying to twist two wires together inside a box and failing miserably, I was asked if I could switch to stripping the plastic coating off of some wires, because I'm a good stripper, while she attached the light bulbs to each other. Then we stuck on the battery, and the light bulbs turned on. 

We only realized the hidden depths of our interactions afterwards. 

A second conversation with a guy who's kind of a dick phallus.

Him: (referring to another kid, joking) So, Gabi, do you think I should kill him?

Me: Depends on the weapon. You need to optimize the amount of pain experienced by your victim in the process.

Him: O.o Okay. . . 

Me: You see, it has to be painful enough for them to really suffer as they slowly die, but not too painful, because you need to be able to justify yourself in court.

Him: O.o

Me: You have to be careful when taking vengeance on people!

Everyone else in the room: O.o

Me: Nobody gets my sense of humour. I understand!

After these two snippets, I feel like I should be writing nerdy sadomasochist erotica or something.

I can do terrible, erotic things to you with my erlenmeyer flask and Geiger Müller counter, b*tch. 

Or maybe I should never, ever do that.

******************************************************************

On another less creepy note, happy Towel Day! It's a day in honour of Douglas Adams, who was brilliant. He has also greatly contributed to those funny post titles I sometimes have, the ones in quotation marks that I'm not superhuman enough to come up with.

******************************************************************

Question:

Where do animals go when it pours, on those days where every nook and cranny is filled with rainwater? I've been told that the answer lies in Bambi, but as I was not subjected to that in my Disneyless childhood, I'd prefer to keep avoiding dying deer. 

-Gabi